Forgiving Others Reduces Stress
Forgiveness can be defined as a process by which one who may have felt initially wronged, victimized, harmed or hurt experiences a change of attitude and feelings towards the person who wronged them and is able to overcome the impact of the offence, or mistake. This leads to a decrease in feelings of resentment or vengeance towards that person. The notion of forgiveness has been explored throughout religion, moral philosophy, social sciences and medicine. Yet many have a difficult time with the action of forgiveness whether it's with their romantic partners, family members, friends or coworkers. According to Carl Rogers, a psychologist, the process of forgiveness involves such a profound transformation that it can help heal and restore one’s sense of peace. This type of self-transformation according to Rogers can lead to something he referred to as “positive unconditional regard”. That is, the ability to accept someone in their entirety just the way they are.
In a long-term study of forgiveness, unforgiving people were found to be highly neurotic, angrier and much more hostile than forgiving people. They were also found to still hold feelings of resentment a few years later and suffered from feelings of revenge. According to Watt, 2008, people that are unforgiving suffer from high levels of cortisol much in the same way that cortisol is produced during other stress responses. High levels of cortisol have a negative impact on your overall health, including the cardiovascular system, brain systems and may potentially lead to a greater risk of diabetes, hypertension, immune system deficiency to name but a few.
If this is true, then it is reasonable to conclude that forgiving others is better for your health as it leads to greater feelings of serenity and reduces overall cortisol levels which are bad for one’s health. According to Swarz, a medical doctor, being unforgiving and being stuck in chronic anger mode, triggers the stress response otherwise known as the fight or flight response. This response leads to changes in your heart rate, blood pressure and immune response.
Forgiveness then, is better for your overall health. Forgiving types of people have a lower risk for heart attacks, their cholesterol levels improve, and their sleep also improves. It reduces pain and blood pressure and lowers anxiety levels and overall stress. On the contrary, people who are unforgiving have a higher incidence of PTSD and experience higher levels of severe depression to name but a few conditions. This can lead to an increased risk for depression, heart disease and diabetes to name but a few. Starting a meditation practise will certainly help get you on a path to forgiveness. In this article, the focus is on The Reach Technique, explained below.
Reach for Forgiveness, your health depends on it.
R – Remember the event, how it felt, how you reacted and the consequences of the event
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E-Empathize with the other person. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. If they are not there pretend they are there with you and talk to them. Practice role playing, apologizing, say how you feel, change partners and roles. This builds empathy and helps you move on.
A- Altruistic Gift. Offer your forgiveness as an altruistic gift to the person. Remember a time when you wronged someone and they forgave you. Offer the same gift to someone else.
C-Commit. Once you have forgiven, write a note to yourself. It can read something like, “On this day____I forgive______ for hurting me”.
H-Hold On. You may have doubts that you have forgiven the person. When feelings of anger or resentment re-emerge, re-read your note.
